My why for what I do comes from a long life of trauma, abuse, victory and love..
Here is a bit of my story that lets you into my world and why I do what I do.
In my life I have been many things.
It took me 30 years to figure out who “Ashley” really was.
To figure out why I am here took just as long.
Throughout life I felt lost.
Like I had little to no direction.
Not many friends.
Just being the best way that I could.
At the age of 6/7 (I cannot recall the specific age due to PTSD) I was I was molested by my uncle.
My parents unsure of what to do did their best to help.
My mother was who I told first after a couple of days of contemplation because I felt as if I had made some sort of mistake..
She called my father and the police immediately.
My father’s family (my uncles family as well) down played it. Making it seem as if I was confused or misunderstood what my uncle had done.
I felt so ashamed..
Like I had done something wrong.
Shortly after at the age of 8 my step brother began raping me.
I wouldn’t dare tell anyone this time… I figured I was doing something wrong something to deserve this
This continued until I was 11..
In addition to these I suffered many additional traumas and near death experiences from a young age and learned how to keep them suppressed for fear of further judgement and isolation.
Even with those I was the closest to, I felt isolated from.
This led to a very slippery slope that I stayed on from the age of 12 to 27.
In this time I became reckless. I became a control freak trying to control all that I could all the while being more out of control than I realized.
I was the self sabotage queen.
After being molested, raped, abused, and having my life almost taken in freak accidents all under the age of 12..
I felt alone, and like no one would even care if I wasn’t here..
I felt like I wasn’t good enough and no matter what I did…
I could not do enough to make those around me care about what I was feeling..
I was angry…
I decided that if I was going to be here and no one cared that I would do what I wanted..
I was going to take my power back in the way it was first taken.
In the arms and beds of boys and men…
I was reckless for many years.
After a dangerous encounter with a man 15 years older than me..
I decided that I was done..
That this life had nothing for me.
I was 13 the first time I attempted to take my life via pills and alcohol while I was at home alone during a school break..
I woke up hours later perfectly fine.
I became celebate (yes I was still 13)
I decided that I was new.
I was starting a new school and decided that I would tell no one of my previous life.
This was my restart.
Soon after I found my first real boyfriend
This was healthy for the first few months then it became violent.
We were together for 3 years off and on..
We finally went our separate ways.
Shortly after I entered another relationship.
Months later I was pregnant at 16.
I had my first child by 17, married at 18, twins born when I was 19, homeowner before 21.
divorcee by 23, I thought I found balance
Things changed shortly after.. He cheated and I cheated in return and things took a turn for the worst.
I wanted to stay in the relationship for my family but the jealousy and anger got the best of him.
Holes in the walls, endless tears, my babies asking me if I was ok..
I was done.
I thought I was the cause for the anger so I decided I was ready to leave this world once again.
I took a bottle of oxy and went to sleep..
Once again I woke up hours later just fine..
I was frustrated.. When I saw my babies I was grateful to be here still.
The violence continued..
I entered another relationship with an alcoholic who was 13 years older than I was that I met at work.
He would often black out.
After we moved in together in a drunken fit he attempted to take my life.
I left and went back to my husband..
The violence picked up again so did the cheating.
I felt lost..
I again attempted to take my life again with pills.. I just took many more and added a little mix to it..
Again I woke up..
Again seeing my children’s faces when I woke up I was so grateful to be here for my children who I loved so much..
I decided that I was going to do what felt good to me since I could not escape..
Years later I left after being handed divorce papers..
I knew it was time for a restart.
I had another child a year later and was living life pretty well I could while beginning a new relationship, raising children and working.
This relationship was terrible and I went to therapy for guidance and I was given pills that numbed me.
I left this relationship years later still on the pills and hating life.
I left and I soon after my first boyfriend who I had reconnected with in this mix passed away.
Even though our relationship was rocky we were friends.
After all of this it was no coincidence that once again (yes again) I was also severely obese tipping 300lbs, depressed, pre diabetic, perimenopausal (my period stopped for over 6 months), and was at the end of my line. I was 27.
I then entered the most destructive relationship of my life.
I started dating a man who was 5 years younger than I was.
He seemed so sweet and he was so available to me.
Months after beginning our relationship the violence began.
It started with a lost temper about me not being home when he wanted me to be and ended up with a wall mirror and a wall being kicked through.
This was the beginning.
He started drinking more and the anger and jealousy increased.
One evening after a night out and drinking together he lost his temper and beat me in the middle of the street.
I was screaming for my life..
I managed to get in my car and take off but being who I am, I didn’t want to leave him there so I let him calm and I picked him and took him to his house.
He apologized and let him come back.
This went on for about three years…
He would drink and become black out drunk and cover me in bruises, put me in chokeholds if I tried to leave, break down my doors, slash my tires, throw me through walls…
And he could never remember anything.
He even became violent with my youngest daughter who was three at the time.
He would go to jail but I would bond him out..
I was always there to support him..
He was a constant even though an unhealthy one.
I knew that there was no easy way out.. I was terrified of him.
I felt trapped. I only saw one path to freedom..
I again attempted to take my life.
A bottle of pills mixed with a bottle of nyquil..
Once again I was back..
I called it quits after my door was broken down and my tires slashed.
Once I was done he started stalking me and would just show up at my home until I took back control.
He got into my home and I pinned him down with my knee on his throat and swore that if he ever came around again that I would kill him.
One day in January 2014 I stopped and looked at my life. I was in one extremely abusive relationship and after another in a life of pain I simply wanted to die.
Broken and empty I began to reflect. I started to reflect on all the things that occurred in my life and I to one conclusion..
I was the constant. I was the common denominator.
That’s when I began to take my power back.
Within 3 months of lifestyle change I lost over 20 lbs and I was no longer pre diabetic, and my period had returned. I embarked on a health journey and without knowing I embarked on spiritual journey.
This was not the end of struggle but the beginning of my self mastery.
I knew in my heart that to make real change this time that I needed to go inside myself and find my reason why.. I was broken, miserable, and just wanted to feel something besides sadness inside of myself.
I began looking into my patterns and life.. what was occurring in my best and worst times. When I was feeling my best in life I was unstoppable and everything just happened.
When I was feeling the worst everything around me reflected that.
When I cried out for change and believed in my heart it was capable everything came..
I slowly began to shift my mind after I realized this.. I knew there was more to life than what I’d been experiencing.
I realized I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, or where I was going in life.
I decided to do things intentionally.
To no longer let things happen to me but rather have a clear idea of what I wanted.
I started to realize my words and feelings quickly turned into reality.
In every part of my life manifestations rapidly occurred. I was literally speaking and creating my existence and I was blown away.
When I saw the power of my words then life forever changed.
I started using this on a regular basis and everyday I watched thoughts turn into things.
Some good and some not so good. But it was absolutely amazing. But like the great saying goes “With great power comes great responsibility.” And this began to reign true in my life.
Life took off.
After working in health care for over 10 years and seeing modern medicine fail myself, my family and my community I knew that there had to be a better way.
I decided then that I wanted to help people get better without big pharma and hospitals as I helped myself.
After seeing so much suffering in western medicine and finding my own health in connecting to nature and the natural ways that helped me so much.
I wanted to learn more about this because it was a completely foreign thought to me having been trained in and working in western medicine for so long.
In the spring of 2016 I registered for school to obtain my holistic health degree although I did not realize fully what it entailed, but the universe makes no mistakes.
Soon after in the summer of 2016 my daughter who was 6 at the time was taken out of state by her father and he planned on keeping here there with him.
As soon as I found out about this, I drove to Tennessee.
In the incident I was arrested and taken to jail even though I was hurt badly all while out of state.
While in the hospital I received life changing news of a growth in my jugular vein I was 30.
In the days that followed I went on a deep soul journey.. I had no choice but to I was in jail in another state with no family there.
This was when the real shift happened.
I surrendered to the universe and magic happened.
I was released soon after.
Rather than looking into what I could do, I thought about the why, it was there… It was stress. The exact spot the growth was found was where I would always feel my stress the most.
Soon after the charges against me were dropped.
A month later my daughter was home.
With Lifestyle change, a mind shift 3 months I was growth free and healthier than ever.
Now years later I am extremely happy and healthier than ever. I’ve now lost over 80 lbs and have kept it off without any fancy plan or excessive exercise. Just a change of heart, mind and lifestyle.
I focused on things that made me feel good.
Once I fell back in love with myself the real magic began..
I now am married to a man that I can be 100% open and honest with, cry with, be lazy with, enjoy my life, and enjoy our life together in peace and love.
He supports my hopes, dreams, and goals. He is a steady being because I am a steady being.
We connected through complete love of self.
In July of 2019 I became a Certified Holistic Health Practitioner. I am using my skills to serve my community and help those who seek change to transform their life in a holistic way that empowers you to create a life as you desire it to be.
I am a Transformational Specialist with special focus on your relationship with self and the relationships in your life.
Stop living halfway… Stop being halfway yourself… Stop living to please others… Stop trying to prove your worthiness.
I serve so that all may achieve the convergence with themselves and the whole of who they are.
I serve so that all may know that they are deserving and worthy of all they desire.
I serve so that you can live a full happy life that you’ve always dreamed of living.
This shift into love will occur inside of you and transform your life and the lives of those in your life.
This will change your life, your children’s and their children’s lives..
What I have created will change the way we love ourselves, this will spread in our every interaction, and it will be contagious throughout the world we live in.
This is only a piece of my story but the one that started the real change in my life.
Contact me today to begin to transform your life today!
The music we listen to is vital in our lives. It has a heavy influence on our subconscious and our emotions therefore your life.
I recommend EVERYONE listen to music that talks about where you desire to be! Listen to music that makes you feel good!
Remember what ever you feel at any point in time is what you are attracting especially in song due to the length of time you are listening. In every moment you become a magnet for what you are feeling.
This song is one that gave me all the feels and reminds me of the power of me! This provided me much direction and motivation to do what I desire which changed my life completely!
It is time for us to remember we are worthy, loved, and powerful!
Question is… Do you see yourself as that?
The relationship that you have with yourself is the most important one that you will have. The love that you feel for yourself is the foundation for every other relationship in our life.
So many people are halfway living.. halfway themselves.. halfway happy.. halfway thriving..
you deserve more your families deserve more..
The great teachers Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi, Mary of Nazareth all knew this but we didn’t receive the whole of their teachings.. they were teaching us that we are glorious and powerful beings.
My company Higher Love was created to teach this in a new way. It is designed to inspire and motivate you in ways you never imagined.
People know there is more to life but often don’t know what it is.
Find me on instagram, Facebook, and linked by searching for Ashley Eugene or @HigherLoveForAll in to get daily inspiration and helpful information to take you from where you are in life to where you want to be.
You can also find out more online at AshleyEugene.com and book your complementary convergence call with me!
Like a candle, our wick of spirit is encased in our humanity, and when our spirit is touched, we light up until all we know melts and changes shape for the burn of our experience. Repeatedly, our sweat and struggle burns our sense of self and world away, so that our Divine spark can be released, again and again. These moments of Spirit-Lighting-Up not only rearrange our lives, but they light and warm those who stay near.
In such moments, we become one with what we see, and this sudden Oneness is what the faithful of all paths have called Love. And in the illumination of Oneness called Love, all that’s left is a willingness toward birth, an urge to be touched by something timeless and fresh. All that’s left is the want of deep parts in strangers. To relish the waking over being awake, the burning over being burned, the loving over being loved.
When we can be – no matter how briefly – at one with what we have in common with all life, we are rewarded beyond attachment and ownership. This is the difference between becoming a singer and becoming the song. This is the best of ambition: that the dancer melts into the dance, and the lover melts into the act of love, and the builder melts into the thing being built, until in a burst of Oneness, dancer and lover and builder are one.
Perhaps momentarily, when swimming with the stream, we are the stream; when moving with the music, we are the music; when rocking the wounded, we are the suffering. Perhaps momentarily, when thinking without masks, we are pure thought; when believing without doubt, we are God. Perhaps love is an instrument we play for all we’re worth in an orchestra yet to be convened. Perhaps this is why, in the fullest moments of loving or knowing or being, we go nameless and timeless and breathless – everything about us used up, like a candle, burned over and over, just to light entire rooms with our flicker.
This is a poem I had read at my union ceremony with my husband this past fall and it was such a beautiful representation of life in love.
Prayer. Grace. Blessing. Giving thanks. Honoring. These are some of the names that we call the ritual in which we give thanks for the food we partake in. This ritual is something that I myself never really participated in the act. I decided to research this topic because my husband practices this daily with every meal he partakes in and I asked him why and his response was “ I give thanks for the meal as well as blessing it”. This sparked my curiosity.. His ritual began as a child. In his family prayer before meals was always a thing that was done despite the fact that they were not heavily religious. The reasoning and understanding of prayer before a meal changed however as he got older and found his own connection with the divine.
As a child my mother never participated in it and my father religiously participated in this ritual. However with my father it was a forced practice that never had meaning behind it. We said a standard prayer whose meaning was unknown to us as children and religion was forced upon us and was never embraced. So when it came to prayer it was not something that we wanted to keep up because of the lack of choice and understanding. But now prayer is absent from his home at meal time. Or at least I have not seen him pray over his food in years.
As I got older I went through a series of changes spiritually and personally which heavily influenced my religious beliefs however food was not a part of this. However with family gatherings with my maternal Grandparents we always gather around our food, old and young, we hold hands while my grandfather leads us in grace. It is such a beautiful experience I get overwhelmed with emotion and overflow with tears of love and gratitude. Recently I had my first Thanksgiving and first holiday with my husband and our families and while at his grandmother Mama Julie’s house and they did they same thing. We all large and small gathered around, heald hands, and Mama Julie lead us in thanks and gratitude for everything including the new additions to the family. It was absolutely beautiful and heartwarming as well as extremely emotional. It definitely made me stop and give extra thanks to everything.
Not in this sense. I am forever aware of my food and its sourcing and quality. I even have looked into the studies of Dr. Masaru Emoto and his study Double-Blind Test of the Effects of Distant Intention on Water Crystal Formation 2006 on the effect of words on water. In this study he looks at the effect that positive or negative words have on water crystal formations. But I have never put this into play for myself. Why.. Who knows.
Upon evaluation I was thinking about the question “what do I think it means and communicates?” posed to us in this assignment as it pertains to this topic. Upon reflection I realized that I subconsciously judged those that practiced this ritual. Not thinking that they were bad but feeling like they must be very religious. And for me that was not the best association to have. But now I have a very different outlook after self reappraisal. I realize that the negative association to this ritual was one that stems from my less than ideal relationship with my father. I had no idea how much I projected those old feelings onto those that surround me known or unknown.
In my research there was no definite answer as to when this ritual began in history. I can only imagine that it has been around since the beginning of time. When you look through ancient records food was always exalted and glorified and I would assume dangerous I know) that prayer and thanks were part of this. In Anthropology we learned that in many ancient cultures the blessed their food to ward in the belief that it wards off evil spirits. This belief is still held in some cultures today. The evil spirits were unbenounced to them were bacteria that would cause foodborne illnesses.
In other cultures such as religion it is a means to give thanks to a higher power such as God, Jesus, Allah, ect. In more spiritual persons I found that it is a way to give thanks to all life forms that were sacrificed for the meal as well as invigorate the meal with light and energy. I found one page that had a beautiful and simple blessing that is as follows
I offer my deepest gratitude for this food I’m about to receive
I invite all life forms present into a state of harmony
I ask for the strength, energy and nourishment needed at this time,
to bring balance to my body, mind and spirit.
Thank you! (Or Amen).
(Horus Healing, Why to pray for your food)
On this same site they talk about the way that our food vibrationally screams until we calm it with prayer (p2). According to this site the studies of ex CIA agent Cleve Backster who was responsible for formalizing the lie detector test after leaving the CIA used the same equipment to test plants and their conscious awareness you could say. He connected the plant to the equipment and proceed to set a leaf on fire and the plant began “screaming” and did not stop until Cleve left the room (p5).
I think that this ritual is something that is often overlooked by those similar to myself because of the religious stigma that accompanies it. If people knew the real power of it I think that they would feel very differently and include it in their daily ritual. Doing this simple yet powerful act can vibrationally transform whatever we eat. This is “magic” but it will not negate or dismiss the foods low nutrition content or make it something that it is not physically but the energy does not lie.
Who am I? This is a question that for most of my life I was not sure of, and that now I am only starting to understand the true depth of me. I am a huge believer in the thought that a person is as good as what he puts in his mind, body, and spirit.
For me I have always been hugely connected although I was not always aware of the depth of that connection. After going through my own health struggles I realized that my physical health was directly related and completely tied to my spiritual health. The connection of my life to my inner world has been apparent to me for many many years after a major traumatic awakening. Since it was made apparent to me I’ve been working diligently to heal the wounds of my inner world so that I am I fully live in the now.
My entire life I was so heavily armored with literally every armor that there is to protect myself from everything that surrounded me. From the opinions of my parents, the traumas of my childhood and life. The way that our social system was set up so that those things could never be fully healed or addressed so that I am an adult I struggled with the effects of these.
After suffering such traumas my entire life I was so heavily armored with literally every armor that there is to protect myself from everything that surrounded me. The generational traumas came full circle in my life. I literally just as I was typing this realized I have in my own lifetime have directly been affected by every trauma that was suffered by my family for generations. From molestation, rape, domestic violence, teen pregnancy, near death multiple times, and I survived it all! I survived it all so that I can transmute it! I am so eternally grateful for this beautiful revelation and the end of this generational trauma.
Recently my husband and I were listening to an audio recording of the Willie Lynch book in the 1700s. It is called The Willie Lynch letter and the making of a Negro. In that book it talks about the way to break a human is equal to that as breaking a horse. It states that you have to traumatize it in such a way that it is completely unable to heal because it knows no other way to live.
When I heard everything that was being ranted in this book I was appalled. Not only because of the racism that was being spewed in it of course; Willie Lynch was a slave owner teaching other slave owners how to properly slave own and break them beyond repair and continue to do it so you have people who know no other way. The worst part is the fact that this still continues to this day and this was hundreds of years ago.
After listening to John Trudell in class I explored more of his music. When I listened to a talk that he gave it was called what happened to the tribes of Europe. It blew my mind because I never thought of that. Here in America obviously were not taught of these things we’re only thought of a limited amount of history.
In that speech he mentioned how the tribes in Europe were tortured and enslaved for 20 generations before Columbus came to America. With that it’s crazy to think about how deeply rooted this pain is and this trauma is in our society.
As you can see our social system was set up so that those things could never be fully healed or addressed so that one could fully grow past them. Illustrated perfectly in the book mentioned above. These wounds are that of the collective and has been going on for generations and I strongly feel like this age is ending.
This trauma is on purpose as we learned with Rockefeller it is designed to be this way there is no other way that they would have it. This was done in such a perfect way that the trauma has moved through the collective for centuries the trauma is the operator for the machine in our head. The machine in her head is so rigged to be on auto pilot that most never awaken to the truth of them selves or what they might be.
In the society that we have there are some who have full knowledge of everything that is going on they have the knowledge of our true power they have the knowledge of our true divinity and I also have the knowledge that most do not have this knowledge and they use that to their advantage.
This is exactly what keeps the social hierarchy going this is the foundation of the pyramid life. This life is one that starts in infancy with parents and children separated at at 2 months old. This is exactly what Willie Lynch said would break the family. To have control you have to take the parents away and put somebody else in charge of the children. The family connection will not be there for this or the next generation and so on. The child is then brought up under the guidance of the pyramid always being taught that he cannot get to the top but he should strive his best to be the best worker that he can be.
With this way of life evolutionary mismatch is a guarantee. It’s not something that we are ignorant to, the powers that be are very aware of the fact that there is evolutionary mismatch going on and the implications that it has and they are profiting in every way possible. The biggest way that they do this is in our healthcare system.
The American Healthcare system creates the cure after the corporate system creates the issue. This is the foundation of Modern healthcare was if we can’t get them to come to us and we will give them a reason to need to come to us. In our world now with genetically modified foods and pesticides and chemical infiltration from everywhere they are guaranteeing that the problem is made. Especially in the everyday person because that person probably does not know the negative effects of these things.
For years I worked in healthcare and the only thing that it did for me was teach me that that is not healthcare and it’s not the kind of care that I want for my life. When I was faced with cancer I took my life into my own hands and used my mind body connection and cured it in months. After this occurred and I truly discovered how strong I truly was I knew that I needed to help other people to realize the same thing.
The last few days I’ve really been sitting with myself and clearing out all of the limitations that I felt it been placed in my subconscious. All of the opinions of others, judgments, or the lack of acknowledgment from others as I’ve recently realized that I’ve had my entire life.
I have felt like my body was stripped to the core of my being. After feeling so frustrated and so overwhelmed with life almost like I wanted to give up. I decided to take a moment and go outside and ground to earth and find my stability again. I found myself laying in the grass under the sky being filled up with rays of light. At that moment I realized who my mother was I realize who my father was. The earth my mother and the sun my father. The universe in my soul. I felt that depth that love that infinite connection that I’ve been searching for.
Although I have found the love of myself that deep connection to everything else had been forming but not quite apparent to me. I then decided to go into a very deep meditation. I cleansed my body with sage then I sat I went into my soul. It felt all of my limitations, all of my fears, everything had been lifted. It feels as if my soul lifted out of my body my body was purified. I was brought back into my body and felt lighter than I ever have before. It was truly something I’ve never experienced in my life and when I rose I felt for the first time completely me completely connected completely sure completely limitless.
So to answer the question of who I am.. I am the stars in the sky, I’m the earth, I am the river, I am the birds, I am the trees, and the plants, and animals. I am everything. We are all one. As soon as humanity can get back to that connectedness that is when healing through healing true transformation will occur.
Thank God we are on our path back to our oneness. I am so grateful to be back on this planet in this body at this current time and space so that I may be a part of the evolution of this planet. So that I may be a part of and witness the growth and the transformation that is so necessary.
For my career path I decided to go back to my roots. The roots of who I was as a child and that is helping other children. Helping the children to know that they have a purpose, that they have a power, and with practice they can create a life in the world that they are so proud to live in. It is time to end the traumas to and the generational issues so that we may live fully in connection in love and power and in peace