My why for what I do comes from a long life of trauma, abuse, victory and love..
Here is a bit of my story that lets you into my world and why I do what I do.
In my life I have been many things.
It took me 30 years to figure out who “Ashley” really was.
To figure out why I am here took just as long.
Throughout life I felt lost.
Like I had little to no direction.
Not many friends.
Just being the best way that I could.
At the age of 6/7 (I cannot recall the specific age due to PTSD) I was I was molested by my uncle.
My parents unsure of what to do did their best to help.
My mother was who I told first after a couple of days of contemplation because I felt as if I had made some sort of mistake..
She called my father and the police immediately.
My father’s family (my uncles family as well) down played it. Making it seem as if I was confused or misunderstood what my uncle had done.
I felt so ashamed..
Like I had done something wrong.
Shortly after at the age of 8 my step brother began raping me.
I wouldn’t dare tell anyone this time… I figured I was doing something wrong something to deserve this
This continued until I was 11..
In addition to these I suffered many additional traumas and near death experiences from a young age and learned how to keep them suppressed for fear of further judgement and isolation.
Even with those I was the closest to, I felt isolated from.
This led to a very slippery slope that I stayed on from the age of 12 to 27.
In this time I became reckless. I became a control freak trying to control all that I could all the while being more out of control than I realized.
I was the self sabotage queen.
After being molested, raped, abused, and having my life almost taken in freak accidents all under the age of 12..
I felt alone, and like no one would even care if I wasn’t here..
I felt like I wasn’t good enough and no matter what I did…
I could not do enough to make those around me care about what I was feeling..
I was angry…
I decided that if I was going to be here and no one cared that I would do what I wanted..
I was going to take my power back in the way it was first taken.
In the arms and beds of boys and men…
I was reckless for many years.
After a dangerous encounter with a man 15 years older than me..
I decided that I was done..
That this life had nothing for me.
I was 13 the first time I attempted to take my life via pills and alcohol while I was at home alone during a school break..
I woke up hours later perfectly fine.
I became celebate (yes I was still 13)
I decided that I was new.
I was starting a new school and decided that I would tell no one of my previous life.
This was my restart.
Soon after I found my first real boyfriend
This was healthy for the first few months then it became violent.
We were together for 3 years off and on..
We finally went our separate ways.
Shortly after I entered another relationship.
Months later I was pregnant at 16.
I had my first child by 17, married at 18, twins born when I was 19, homeowner before 21.
divorcee by 23, I thought I found balance
Things changed shortly after.. He cheated and I cheated in return and things took a turn for the worst.
I wanted to stay in the relationship for my family but the jealousy and anger got the best of him.
Holes in the walls, endless tears, my babies asking me if I was ok..
I was done.
I thought I was the cause for the anger so I decided I was ready to leave this world once again.
I took a bottle of oxy and went to sleep..
Once again I woke up hours later just fine..
I was frustrated.. When I saw my babies I was grateful to be here still.
The violence continued..
I entered another relationship with an alcoholic who was 13 years older than I was that I met at work.
He would often black out.
After we moved in together in a drunken fit he attempted to take my life.
I left and went back to my husband..
The violence picked up again so did the cheating.
I felt lost..
I again attempted to take my life again with pills.. I just took many more and added a little mix to it..
Again I woke up..
Again seeing my children’s faces when I woke up I was so grateful to be here for my children who I loved so much..
I decided that I was going to do what felt good to me since I could not escape..
Years later I left after being handed divorce papers..
I knew it was time for a restart.
I had another child a year later and was living life pretty well I could while beginning a new relationship, raising children and working.
This relationship was terrible and I went to therapy for guidance and I was given pills that numbed me.
I left this relationship years later still on the pills and hating life.
I left and I soon after my first boyfriend who I had reconnected with in this mix passed away.
Even though our relationship was rocky we were friends.
After all of this it was no coincidence that once again (yes again) I was also severely obese tipping 300lbs, depressed, pre diabetic, perimenopausal (my period stopped for over 6 months), and was at the end of my line. I was 27.
I then entered the most destructive relationship of my life.
I started dating a man who was 5 years younger than I was.
He seemed so sweet and he was so available to me.
Months after beginning our relationship the violence began.
It started with a lost temper about me not being home when he wanted me to be and ended up with a wall mirror and a wall being kicked through.
This was the beginning.
He started drinking more and the anger and jealousy increased.
One evening after a night out and drinking together he lost his temper and beat me in the middle of the street.
I was screaming for my life..
I managed to get in my car and take off but being who I am, I didn’t want to leave him there so I let him calm and I picked him and took him to his house.
He apologized and let him come back.
This went on for about three years…
He would drink and become black out drunk and cover me in bruises, put me in chokeholds if I tried to leave, break down my doors, slash my tires, throw me through walls…
And he could never remember anything.
He even became violent with my youngest daughter who was three at the time.
He would go to jail but I would bond him out..
I was always there to support him..
He was a constant even though an unhealthy one.
I knew that there was no easy way out.. I was terrified of him.
I felt trapped. I only saw one path to freedom..
I again attempted to take my life.
A bottle of pills mixed with a bottle of nyquil..
Once again I was back..
I called it quits after my door was broken down and my tires slashed.
Once I was done he started stalking me and would just show up at my home until I took back control.
He got into my home and I pinned him down with my knee on his throat and swore that if he ever came around again that I would kill him.
One day in January 2014 I stopped and looked at my life. I was in one extremely abusive relationship and after another in a life of pain I simply wanted to die.
Broken and empty I began to reflect. I started to reflect on all the things that occurred in my life and I to one conclusion..
I was the constant. I was the common denominator.
That’s when I began to take my power back.
Within 3 months of lifestyle change I lost over 20 lbs and I was no longer pre diabetic, and my period had returned. I embarked on a health journey and without knowing I embarked on spiritual journey.
This was not the end of struggle but the beginning of my self mastery.
I knew in my heart that to make real change this time that I needed to go inside myself and find my reason why.. I was broken, miserable, and just wanted to feel something besides sadness inside of myself.
I began looking into my patterns and life.. what was occurring in my best and worst times. When I was feeling my best in life I was unstoppable and everything just happened.
When I was feeling the worst everything around me reflected that.
When I cried out for change and believed in my heart it was capable everything came..
I slowly began to shift my mind after I realized this.. I knew there was more to life than what I’d been experiencing.
I realized I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, or where I was going in life.
I decided to do things intentionally.
To no longer let things happen to me but rather have a clear idea of what I wanted.
I started to realize my words and feelings quickly turned into reality.
In every part of my life manifestations rapidly occurred. I was literally speaking and creating my existence and I was blown away.
When I saw the power of my words then life forever changed.
I started using this on a regular basis and everyday I watched thoughts turn into things.
Some good and some not so good. But it was absolutely amazing. But like the great saying goes “With great power comes great responsibility.” And this began to reign true in my life.
Life took off.
After working in health care for over 10 years and seeing modern medicine fail myself, my family and my community I knew that there had to be a better way.
I decided then that I wanted to help people get better without big pharma and hospitals as I helped myself.
After seeing so much suffering in western medicine and finding my own health in connecting to nature and the natural ways that helped me so much.
I wanted to learn more about this because it was a completely foreign thought to me having been trained in and working in western medicine for so long.
In the spring of 2016 I registered for school to obtain my holistic health degree although I did not realize fully what it entailed, but the universe makes no mistakes.
Soon after in the summer of 2016 my daughter who was 6 at the time was taken out of state by her father and he planned on keeping here there with him.
As soon as I found out about this, I drove to Tennessee.
In the incident I was arrested and taken to jail even though I was hurt badly all while out of state.
While in the hospital I received life changing news of a growth in my jugular vein I was 30.
In the days that followed I went on a deep soul journey.. I had no choice but to I was in jail in another state with no family there.
This was when the real shift happened.
I surrendered to the universe and magic happened.
I was released soon after.
Rather than looking into what I could do, I thought about the why, it was there… It was stress. The exact spot the growth was found was where I would always feel my stress the most.
Soon after the charges against me were dropped.
A month later my daughter was home.
With Lifestyle change, a mind shift 3 months I was growth free and healthier than ever.
Now years later I am extremely happy and healthier than ever. I’ve now lost over 80 lbs and have kept it off without any fancy plan or excessive exercise. Just a change of heart, mind and lifestyle.
I focused on things that made me feel good.
Once I fell back in love with myself the real magic began..
I now am married to a man that I can be 100% open and honest with, cry with, be lazy with, enjoy my life, and enjoy our life together in peace and love.
He supports my hopes, dreams, and goals. He is a steady being because I am a steady being.
We connected through complete love of self.
In July of 2019 I became a Certified Holistic Health Practitioner. I am using my skills to serve my community and help those who seek change to transform their life in a holistic way that empowers you to create a life as you desire it to be.
I am a Transformational Specialist with special focus on your relationship with self and the relationships in your life.
Stop living halfway… Stop being halfway yourself… Stop living to please others… Stop trying to prove your worthiness.
I serve so that all may achieve the convergence with themselves and the whole of who they are.
I serve so that all may know that they are deserving and worthy of all they desire.
I serve so that you can live a full happy life that you’ve always dreamed of living.
This shift into love will occur inside of you and transform your life and the lives of those in your life.
This will change your life, your children’s and their children’s lives..
What I have created will change the way we love ourselves, this will spread in our every interaction, and it will be contagious throughout the world we live in.
This is only a piece of my story but the one that started the real change in my life.
Contact me today to begin to transform your life today!